Ah, January—the season of fresh starts, gym signups, and the annual ritual of lying to ourselves about who we’ll become. Every year, we declare, “This is the year I transform!” And then, without fail, February rolls around, and I’m back to eating chips in bed like it’s a competitive sport.

But this year? This year, I’m doing things differently. Instead of the usual crash-and-burn resolutions, I’m embracing micro-goals—small, doable habits that’ll (hopefully) turn me into the Beyoncé of my own life by 2026. And if I fail? Well, at least I’ve made some progress—and had a few laughs along the way.

Micro-Goals That Even Lazy Me Can Handle

1. Dance Like Nobody’s Watching (For 10 Minutes)

Because let’s face it: nobody is watching. Unless you have nosey neighbors, in which case, they’re in for a treat. A quick 10-minute kitchen dance session every day keeps the doctor away (and spices up my mundane attempts at cooking). Add a one-hour walk to this plan, and boom—I’m basically an Olympian.

2. Eat Whatever You Want (Except Sweets)

No crash diets here, friends. I’m officially renouncing the days of eating kale chips and pretending they’re good. This year, I’m eating whatever I like—burgers, fries, pizza—except sweets. (I know. I’m crying, too.) But hey, maybe I’ll finally develop a taste for fruit. Or convince myself that “dark chocolate counts as health food.”

3. Pay Yourself First (a.k.a. Hide Your Money From Yourself)

Step 1: Get paid.

Step 2: Immediately squirrel away some cash into savings before you can blow it on things like overpriced candles or “emotional support lattes.”

Step 3: Feel smug and responsible for approximately five minutes.

Future me is already high-fiving current me for this one.

4. Become an Audiobook Snob

Why just walk when you can walk and learn things? This year, I’m turning my daily walks into a nerdy adventure by listening to one audiobook chapter per day. By December, I’ll have read—or, you know, listened to—more books than I’ve pretended to read in my entire life.

5. Become a YouTube Star, One Bite-Sized Task at a Time

Making one YouTube video a week sounds intimidating, but breaking it into baby steps makes it doable:

• Day 1: Come up with a clickbait-y title and thumbnail (e.g., “I Danced for 10 Minutes and This Happened”).

• Day 2: Write a script so I don’t sound like I’m winging it.

• Day 3: Record the audio and wonder why my voice sounds weird.

• Day 4: Shoot the video while pretending I’m not awkward on camera.

• Day 5: Edit the video and resist the urge to throw my laptop out the window.

• Day 6: Launch the video and immediately text all my friends, “LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE!”

• Day 7: Celebrate my tiny victory with nachos.

6. Meditate (a.k.a. Try Not to Fall Asleep)

Meditating for 10 minutes before breakfast is my way of saying, “Hey, brain, let’s not panic about emails yet.” I’ll sit, breathe, and definitely not spend the whole time thinking about what’s for lunch.

Habit Stacking: The Lazy Genius Hack

The secret to making all this stick? Stack these habits onto things I already do. For example:

• Meditate right after brushing my teeth, because I’m already standing there doing nothing.

• Dance while my coffee brews, turning the kitchen into my own personal concert.

• Listen to audiobooks while walking, so I can tell people, “Oh, I read this fascinating book…” without admitting I didn’t technically read it.

Healthier, Wealthier, Happier, Wiser: The Long Game

Here’s the plan: By January 1, 2026, I’ll be a slightly better version of myself. Not perfect—because honestly, perfection is overrated and exhausting—but better. A little healthier, a little richer, a little more well-read, and a lot happier.

And if I fall off the wagon? No big deal. I’ll just climb back on, probably with a burger in hand.

So here’s to a year of tiny wins, silly attempts, and unapologetic progress. Let’s make 2025 the year we celebrate effort, not perfection. Cheers, friends—and remember, dancing in your pajamas absolutely counts as exercise.