So, the big day is almost here—I’m about to hold my MBA certificate in my hand, and the floodgates of ambition have officially burst open. You’d think my brain would focus on something practical like updating my LinkedIn profile, but nope. Instead, I’ve spiraled into a whirlwind of outrageous business ideas, each one more questionable than the last.

As a physician turned MBA grad (an odd combo already), I have a unique perspective: anything is possible! Except maybe managing my bank account, which currently looks like I used it to fund an emotional support goat. But let’s not dwell on that. Let me walk you through my brilliant post-MBA ideas.

1. Takeaway Restaurant: Butter Bites

What could go wrong with opening a restaurant? Oh, right—everything. But hear me out: Butter Bites would serve gourmet meals with quirky names like “Code Blue Curry” or “Stethoscope Spaghetti.” It’ll be a fusion of food and flair, because obviously people want Instagrammable dosas. The catch? I don’t cook, and my kitchen skills max out at boiling water for tea. Moving on.

2. A Cowboy-Themed Salon: Butter’s Saloon

Not just a hair salon—a saloon. Picture this: clients get their hair done while sipping root beer and listening to a banjo cover of Taylor Swift. We’ll offer themed trims like the “Outlaw Fade” and “Cowgirl Curls.” Bonus: we’ll host monthly line-dancing workshops. The downside? I have no clue how to cut hair or line dance. But hey, minor details!

3. Gift Shop for Weirdly Specific People

Welcome to “Butter’s Boutique,” where every gift is a conversation starter. Mugs for dog moms who also love true crime. Aprons for people obsessed with sourdough starters. Notebooks for overthinkers (with inspirational quotes like “It’s okay, no one read that email anyway”). Who wouldn’t want to shop here? My bank account, that’s who.

4. Fruit Dehydration Business: The Dry Life

This is my entrepreneurial take on healthy living. I’ll dehydrate fruits into expensive snacks and call it artisanal wellness. Think dried mango slices shaped like butterflies or guava chips dusted with edible glitter. Honestly, this feels doable. Except for the part where I don’t own a single dehydrator. Details!

5. Medical College: Butter Institute of Medicine (BIM)

This one feels right in my wheelhouse. At BIM, we’ll focus on real-world medical skills, like how to politely tell a patient Google isn’t their doctor or how to keep a straight face when someone insists turmeric cures everything. We’d offer courses like “How to Survive 36-Hour Shifts” and “The Art of Saying ‘I Don’t Know’ Without Losing Credibility.” Funding? Faculty? State approval? Yeah, still working on those.

6. Movie Production Company: Butter Films

Why not jump into Bollywood or Hollywood? My production house, Butter Films, would churn out feel-good movies with a dash of medical drama. Think Grey’s Anatomy meets Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. Of course, I’d need actors, sets, and… well, an actual budget. But if my friends are willing to act for free pizza, I think we’re good to go.

7. An IT Startup: Butter Tech

Everyone’s talking about AI and blockchain, so why not ride the wave? Butter Tech would focus on cutting-edge solutions like apps that help doctors find the one pen that actually works or scheduling software that doesn’t ruin your life. I don’t code, but that’s what interns are for, right?

8. A School with a Twist

Butter Academy for Brilliance (B.A.B.) would be a place where kids learn everything traditional schools skip. Courses like “How to Survive a Group Project Without Screaming” and “Basic Taxes for Dummies.” Of course, I’d insist on a strict no-parent-teacher-meetings policy because, frankly, I don’t have the energy for Karen.

9. A Personal Growth App: The Butter Method

Self-help is all the rage, so why not create an app that guides people toward their goals? Daily affirmations, customized plans, and maybe even a sarcastic voice option for people who can’t take motivational quotes seriously. If I can convince one overachiever to meditate instead of doom-scroll, it’s a win!

10. Butter’s All-in-One Wellness Retreat

Imagine a picturesque hilltop location where you can sip herbal tea, take yoga classes, and attend lectures on the gut-brain connection. There’d also be a “Vent Room” where you can scream into a pillow about insurance paperwork. It’s therapeutic, it’s trendy, and it’s exactly the kind of thing people will overpay for.

Reality Check

Do I have money for any of these? Nope. Do I have enough coffee to keep brainstorming? Absolutely. The beauty of an MBA isn’t just that it teaches you about markets, operations, and leadership—it also convinces you that you can do anything. (Even if that “anything” includes dehydrating guava or creating a movie empire.)

For now, I think I’ll stick to what I do best: dreaming big, sipping chai, and writing about it all. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that every wildly successful idea starts with someone saying, “Wait… what if?”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to Google “how to write a business plan in 24 hours.”