I used to think “finding my authentic self” meant booking a one-way ticket to Bali, sitting cross-legged on a mountaintop, and unlocking some ancient wisdom that would make everything finally make sense. Spoiler alert: no mountaintop, no magic moment. Just me, sitting on my couch in mismatched pajamas, realizing that my real self had been here the whole time—just buried under a mountain of people-pleasing, unrealistic expectations, and that one time I tried to be “chill” about something that definitely bothered me.

So, let’s talk about how to actually find your authentic self—not in some mystical, unattainable way, but in the messy, hilarious, deeply human way we’re all figuring out together. Grab a snack, because we’re about to get real.

1. Listen to the Whisper Before It Starts Throwing Furniture

You know that tiny voice inside you? The one that gently suggests, Maybe don’t text your ex, or Hey, this job is draining your soul? Yeah. That’s your intuition. And she is TIRED of being ignored.

If you don’t listen to her whispers, she will escalate. Suddenly, you’re knee-deep in burnout, crying in the Target parking lot because they ran out of your favorite cereal, wondering How did I get here? (Answer: You ignored the whisper. Now it’s a full-blown siren.)

The fix? Get quiet. And I don’t mean sit in silence and chant (unless that’s your vibe, in which case—go off). I mean take five minutes to just be. No distractions. No doom-scrolling. Just you and your thoughts. Let them talk. They’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty for years.

2. Shed the Layers (Yes, Even the One That’s Trying Too Hard to Be Cool)

We are walking onions. Emotional lasagnas. Layer upon layer of expectations, roles, and “shoulds” that we didn’t even sign up for.

• I should be more productive.

• I should be happy with this perfectly fine life that doesn’t actually excite me.

• I should pretend to like oat milk even though it tastes like regret.

No. We’re done with the shoulds. Start peeling back the layers: What do YOU actually want? Not what looks good on Instagram, not what impresses people at dinner parties—what feels like you? Because I promise you, the most magnetic, lovable, powerful version of yourself is the one who isn’t pretending to be someone else.

And listen, this part is awkward. It’s like realizing you’ve been wearing someone else’s shoes for years and suddenly walking feels weird. But once you step into what actually fits? Pure magic.

3. Remember Who You Were Before the World Told You Who to Be

Once upon a time, you were a kid who didn’t care about being cool. You wore what you liked, said what you meant, and probably had some weird hobby that made you light up inside. (Mine was writing dramatic short stories about horses. I did not, in fact, own a horse.)

Somewhere along the way, we traded joy for fitting in. But you can go back. You can reconnect. What made you feel alive before the world told you it was “impractical” or “embarrassing”?

That thing? Do more of it. Do it terribly. Do it just because it makes you feel like you again. Because the truth is, the most you version of yourself is the one who plays, who creates, who forgets to be self-conscious.

4. Accept That You Are Already Enough (Yes, Even Right Now, With That Messy Bun and Existential Dread)

This one is going to hurt a little: There is nothing you need to become to be worthy. Not thinner, not richer, not more successful, not more “put together.” You, as you are right now, in your sweats and maybe a little bit of emotional chaos, are enough.

We spend our lives chasing some version of “better” when all along, we were already whole. Imagine if, just for today, you stopped trying to prove yourself. What if you just let yourself be? What if you looked in the mirror and thought, Damn, I’m doing okay—instead of picking yourself apart?

Try it. See what happens when you stop chasing worthiness and start realizing it’s been sitting next to you this whole time, eating snacks, waiting for you to notice.

5. Walk the Path of Self-Love Like You Own It

Self-love isn’t just face masks and affirmations (although, listen, if talking to yourself in the mirror helps, DO IT). It’s boundaries. It’s saying no to things that don’t serve you. It’s letting go of people who only love the version of you that pleases them.

And—perhaps most importantly—it’s forgiveness. For the mistakes, for the embarrassing phases, for all the times you abandoned yourself to make someone else comfortable.

The path to self-love isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, filled with detours, and sometimes you’ll trip. But keep walking. Keep choosing yourself. Keep remembering that loving yourself isn’t selfish—it’s the foundation for everything else.

6. Play More. Worry Less. Be a Little Bit Ridiculous.

Here’s the thing: Your authentic self? She’s fun. She’s weird. She likes to dance in the kitchen and laugh at her own jokes. She’s not burdened by constant self-criticism or the need to be perfect.

So let’s stop taking life so seriously. Wear the outfit. Say the thing. Take the trip. Be bad at hobbies. Laugh too loudly. Snort when you laugh. Because the people who matter? They love you when you’re fully you. And the people who don’t? Well, they were never your people anyway.

At the end of the day, finding your authentic self isn’t about changing. It’s about returning. It’s about dusting off the parts of you that got lost in the noise and realizing—holy crap—I was pretty amazing all along.

So here’s your permission slip. Start today. Be real. Be messy. Be you.

And if you ever forget who that is—just listen. That little voice inside you? She’s been waiting for you to hear her.