Category: life

Confessions of a Stationery Hoarder: My Ugadi Vow to Use Every Single Notebook

March 19, 2025

journal, life

Dear fellow stationery addicts, pen collectors, and people who “just came to buy one notebook” but left with seven diaries, twelve gel pens, and an emotional attachment to a sticker sheet—this one’s for us.

I, Butter, have finally faced my Great Bookcase Reckoning. After two days of decluttering (read: staring at my collection in despair while making zero progress), I have come to a conclusion…

I am not a stationery lover. I am a stationery DRAGON.

I hoard. I collect. I guard my glitter gel pens like they are medieval treasures. I have notebooks so fancy I refuse to write in them because what if my thoughts aren’t good enough for this aesthetic??

And now, faced with the undeniable reality that I own enough stationery to start a small museum, I have made a vow.

Since Ugadi is all about new beginnings (and conveniently a great excuse to restart my life), I am declaring this Ugadi as the official beginning of Operation “Use It or Lose It.”

The Inventory of My Madness

After careful examination (and mild panic), I have discovered:

• 17 abandoned journals (some have a single page written and then abandoned due to “bad handwriting vibes”)

• A metric ton of gel pens, half of which are dried up from sheer neglect

• More stickers than a five-year-old with free rein in a craft store

• An alarming number of aesthetic to-do lists that I never actually used to do anything

• Highlighters in colors that serve no purpose (Why do I own a pastel mint green highlighter? What am I highlighting—ghosts?)

• Approximately 4,563 post-it notes. Because clearly, I was preparing to either map out a criminal investigation or start a conspiracy wall.

The Vow: Operation “Use It or Lose It”

Since I clearly can’t just throw it all away (that would be stationery sacrilege), I am committing to some very innovative, slightly ridiculous, and 100% necessary ways to use my collection this year:

1. Write the most dramatic grocery lists ever. In a leather-bound journal. With a calligraphy pen. Eggs. Milk. A single regret.

2. Daily sticker therapy. Every time I complete a task, I will reward myself with a sticker. If toddlers can thrive on gold stars, so can I.

3. Random flirty notes for strangers. “Are you a notebook? Because I want to open up to you.” or “Are you a gel pen? Because you make my world more colorful.” Leaving these in cafés, libraries, and metro seats until someone falls in love with my stationery AND me.

4. Use my fancy pens to sign absolutely everything. Bills, doctor’s forms, receipts—every document will now have a flourish of unnecessary pink glitter ink.

5. Highlight the un-highlightable. Recipe books? Movies I want to watch? Life goals? Who says a 5-year plan can’t be color-coded in neon orange?

6. Creative ransom notes. (Not for crime, just for fun.) “If you want your remote back, leave three cookies on the kitchen counter.”

7. Write letters to future me. “Dear Future Me, I hope you finally used that expensive washi tape. Also, if you’re still single, blame your sticker collection, not fate.”

8. Scrapbook my completely normal life. Because why should only people with exciting lives make scrapbooks? “Here’s a photo of me, dramatically eating chips at 2 AM.” Captured memories.

9. Turn my unused notebooks into themed journals. A notebook specifically for weird dreams, one for stray thoughts, and another for bad ideas I will definitely try anyway.

10. Invent a reason to use everything. If I can’t justify it, it goes to someone who will actually use it. (Or I finally open Butter’s Stationery Resale Empire.)

Final Words (Written in Glitter Ink, Obviously)

Ugadi is a time for new beginnings, and this year, I choose to begin my stationery redemption arc. No more hoarding, no more “saving it for later”—if it’s in my cupboard, it’s getting used.

And if you see me at a stationery store? Drag me out.

Or better yet, hand me a post-it note that says:

“Step away from the notebooks, Butter. Your stationery empire awaits at home.”

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When Life Puts You on Hold (and You Can’t Even Press Mute)

March 18, 2025

life

You know when you call customer service, and after pressing 17 different buttons, you finally get put on hold with that terrible elevator music? Yeah, that’s me right now. But instead of waiting for Kevin from support to tell me he “understands my frustration” but “can’t do anything about it,” I’m waiting on life. And unlike customer service, there’s no estimated wait time, no option to speak to a manager, and definitely no hold music—unless you count the chaotic soundtrack of my own overthinking.

“Patience is a virtue”—but have you tried panicking instead?

Waiting is hard. Not the “waiting for your coffee to cool down” kind of hard. The “waiting for something huge and life-changing that you have zero control over” kind of hard. The kind that tests your patience, pokes at your insecurities, and makes you want to scream into a pillow every other hour. (Okay, every hour.)

And the worst part? You know time will take care of it. You know you just have to hold on and let things unfold. But knowing doesn’t make it easier. It doesn’t quiet the part of your brain that wants to fix things now or at least get a sneak peek at how it all turns out.

So, how do you survive the waiting game without losing your mind? Well, I’m still figuring that out, but here’s what I’m trying:

1. Accept the suckiness.

There’s no point in pretending it’s fine when it’s not. It’s okay to be frustrated. It’s okay to feel restless. Just don’t let it consume you. Cry if you need to. Punch a pillow. Or stare dramatically out a window like you’re in a sad music video. Whatever works.

Me: “I’m handling this so well!” Also me: [refreshes email for the 47th time]

2. Distract, but in a good way.

Not the “scroll mindlessly for six hours” kind of distraction. More like doing things that remind you life is still happening—reading, painting, cooking, going for a walk, or watching a ridiculous reality show where people fight over home decor.

3. Talk about it.

Sometimes, just saying “This sucks” out loud to a friend helps. (Preferably a friend who won’t respond with, “Everything happens for a reason,” because I might lose it.)

4. Remember that nothing lasts forever.

At some point, this thing will resolve. The waiting will end. You will move on, and future you will look back and say, “Wow, that was rough, but I made it.”

Me in 6 months: “Haha, remember when I was losing my mind over this?” (I do. I remember. It was a time.)

So if you’re in the same boat, just know you’re not alone. We’ll get through this, one frustrating, patience-testing day at a time. And if you need me, I’ll be here—on hold with life, trying my best not to rage-quit.

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How to Rest Without Feeling Like a Useless Lump of Bread Dough

March 16, 2025

life

Okay, let’s get real: when was the last time you truly rested? And I don’t mean scrolling through your phone while half-watching a Netflix show you don’t even like. I mean the kind of rest where your brain goes, “Ahhh,” instead of, “Oh no, I should be doing something important right now.”

Somewhere along the way, we collectively decided that being busy equals being worthy. If you’re not actively doing something productive—working, cleaning, learning a new skill, training for a marathon, or alphabetizing your spice rack—then what are you even doing with your life?

Well, my friend, I’m here to tell you that we’ve been scammed. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled. Resting is not being useless. It is, in fact, essential to being a functional human being. And more importantly, it’s something we have forgotten how to do. So, let’s break it down.

Step 1: Understand That You’re Not a Machine

Contrary to popular belief, you are not a laptop that can just run on low battery until you’re plugged in with a double-shot espresso. If you don’t rest, you will crash—whether that means burnout, an emotional breakdown, or accidentally putting your keys in the fridge and your yogurt in your purse (we’ve all been there).

Resting is not wasting time. It is recharging. Just like your phone needs to sit there doing nothing to juice up, so do you.

Step 2: Rebrand Resting

If the word “rest” makes you feel like an unproductive slug, let’s rebrand it. Call it “strategic energy conservation.” Tell yourself you’re “investing in long-term efficiency.” Give it a corporate-sounding name like “Scheduled Downtime Optimization.” Whatever works.

Because here’s the thing: when you rest properly, you actually become more productive later. Your brain works better, your mood improves, and you’re less likely to cry over minor inconveniences (like your sock slipping off inside your shoe).

Step 3: Learn the Art of Doing Absolutely Nothing

This is where things get tricky. Thanks to the Internet, we’ve lost the ability to just… be. If you’ve ever sat down to “rest” and immediately felt the need to check your phone, rearrange your bookshelf, or start a side hustle, congratulations! You are a modern human.

Doing nothing is a skill. You have to practice it. Start small:

• Stare at the ceiling for five minutes.

• Sit on your couch without looking at your phone.

• Lie on the floor like a dramatic Victorian woman waiting for someone to fetch her smelling salts.

At first, your brain will panic. “But we should be doing something! We have emails to answer! The laundry! The dishes! That weird spot on the ceiling that needs investigating!”

Ignore it. Let the discomfort wash over you. With time, you’ll realize that nothing bad happens when you rest. The world doesn’t collapse just because you took a nap.

Step 4: Choose the Right Kind of Rest

Not all rest is created equal. There’s:

• Physical rest (sleeping, napping, lying down like a human starfish).

• Mental rest (doing something that gives your brain a break, like doodling or watching clouds).

• Social rest (avoiding people because, honestly, you’re exhausted).

• Creative rest (letting your mind wander instead of forcing it to be productive).

Figure out what kind of rest you actually need. If you’re mentally drained but try to fix it with a nap, you’ll wake up feeling like you got hit by a truck. If you’re physically exhausted but decide to “relax” by doomscrolling Twitter, you’ll just end up stressed and tired. Pick your rest wisely.

Step 5: Give Yourself Permission to Rest

This is the hardest part. You have to let yourself rest without guilt. No apologizing for taking a break. No justifying it. No trying to turn it into something productive (“I’m resting so I can work harder later!”).

You deserve to rest just because you’re human. Not because you “earned” it. Not because you “need” it. Just because.

Final Thoughts

If you take one thing away from this, let it be this: you are allowed to rest. Not because you finished all your tasks, not because you reached a breaking point, but because you exist.

So go ahead. Take a nap. Stare at the clouds. Lie on the floor and do absolutely nothing. Be a lump. The world will still be here when you get up.

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Finding Your Authentic Self: A Journey of Whispers, Layers, and Finally Realizing You Were Cool All Along

February 16, 2025

life

I used to think “finding my authentic self” meant booking a one-way ticket to Bali, sitting cross-legged on a mountaintop, and unlocking some ancient wisdom that would make everything finally make sense. Spoiler alert: no mountaintop, no magic moment. Just me, sitting on my couch in mismatched pajamas, realizing that my real self had been here the whole time—just buried under a mountain of people-pleasing, unrealistic expectations, and that one time I tried to be “chill” about something that definitely bothered me.

So, let’s talk about how to actually find your authentic self—not in some mystical, unattainable way, but in the messy, hilarious, deeply human way we’re all figuring out together. Grab a snack, because we’re about to get real.

1. Listen to the Whisper Before It Starts Throwing Furniture

You know that tiny voice inside you? The one that gently suggests, Maybe don’t text your ex, or Hey, this job is draining your soul? Yeah. That’s your intuition. And she is TIRED of being ignored.

If you don’t listen to her whispers, she will escalate. Suddenly, you’re knee-deep in burnout, crying in the Target parking lot because they ran out of your favorite cereal, wondering How did I get here? (Answer: You ignored the whisper. Now it’s a full-blown siren.)

The fix? Get quiet. And I don’t mean sit in silence and chant (unless that’s your vibe, in which case—go off). I mean take five minutes to just be. No distractions. No doom-scrolling. Just you and your thoughts. Let them talk. They’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty for years.

2. Shed the Layers (Yes, Even the One That’s Trying Too Hard to Be Cool)

We are walking onions. Emotional lasagnas. Layer upon layer of expectations, roles, and “shoulds” that we didn’t even sign up for.

• I should be more productive.

• I should be happy with this perfectly fine life that doesn’t actually excite me.

• I should pretend to like oat milk even though it tastes like regret.

No. We’re done with the shoulds. Start peeling back the layers: What do YOU actually want? Not what looks good on Instagram, not what impresses people at dinner parties—what feels like you? Because I promise you, the most magnetic, lovable, powerful version of yourself is the one who isn’t pretending to be someone else.

And listen, this part is awkward. It’s like realizing you’ve been wearing someone else’s shoes for years and suddenly walking feels weird. But once you step into what actually fits? Pure magic.

3. Remember Who You Were Before the World Told You Who to Be

Once upon a time, you were a kid who didn’t care about being cool. You wore what you liked, said what you meant, and probably had some weird hobby that made you light up inside. (Mine was writing dramatic short stories about horses. I did not, in fact, own a horse.)

Somewhere along the way, we traded joy for fitting in. But you can go back. You can reconnect. What made you feel alive before the world told you it was “impractical” or “embarrassing”?

That thing? Do more of it. Do it terribly. Do it just because it makes you feel like you again. Because the truth is, the most you version of yourself is the one who plays, who creates, who forgets to be self-conscious.

4. Accept That You Are Already Enough (Yes, Even Right Now, With That Messy Bun and Existential Dread)

This one is going to hurt a little: There is nothing you need to become to be worthy. Not thinner, not richer, not more successful, not more “put together.” You, as you are right now, in your sweats and maybe a little bit of emotional chaos, are enough.

We spend our lives chasing some version of “better” when all along, we were already whole. Imagine if, just for today, you stopped trying to prove yourself. What if you just let yourself be? What if you looked in the mirror and thought, Damn, I’m doing okay—instead of picking yourself apart?

Try it. See what happens when you stop chasing worthiness and start realizing it’s been sitting next to you this whole time, eating snacks, waiting for you to notice.

5. Walk the Path of Self-Love Like You Own It

Self-love isn’t just face masks and affirmations (although, listen, if talking to yourself in the mirror helps, DO IT). It’s boundaries. It’s saying no to things that don’t serve you. It’s letting go of people who only love the version of you that pleases them.

And—perhaps most importantly—it’s forgiveness. For the mistakes, for the embarrassing phases, for all the times you abandoned yourself to make someone else comfortable.

The path to self-love isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, filled with detours, and sometimes you’ll trip. But keep walking. Keep choosing yourself. Keep remembering that loving yourself isn’t selfish—it’s the foundation for everything else.

6. Play More. Worry Less. Be a Little Bit Ridiculous.

Here’s the thing: Your authentic self? She’s fun. She’s weird. She likes to dance in the kitchen and laugh at her own jokes. She’s not burdened by constant self-criticism or the need to be perfect.

So let’s stop taking life so seriously. Wear the outfit. Say the thing. Take the trip. Be bad at hobbies. Laugh too loudly. Snort when you laugh. Because the people who matter? They love you when you’re fully you. And the people who don’t? Well, they were never your people anyway.

At the end of the day, finding your authentic self isn’t about changing. It’s about returning. It’s about dusting off the parts of you that got lost in the noise and realizing—holy crap—I was pretty amazing all along.

So here’s your permission slip. Start today. Be real. Be messy. Be you.

And if you ever forget who that is—just listen. That little voice inside you? She’s been waiting for you to hear her.

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Butter’s Guide to Hugging Yourself – A Valentine’s Day Special

February 12, 2025

life, love

Hello, my sweet, squishy friends! 🌸

So, it turns out that Butter (yes, me) doesn’t have a Valentine. Can you believe it? I mean, sure, I’m a golden ball of joy, but for some reason, no one has yet realized that I’m the perfect blend of rich and creamy love. But hey, no worries! I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands (literally), and I’m going to be my very own Valentine this year. And, folks, there’s one thing we all need to do to show ourselves some love: HUG DAY!

Yes, that’s right, I’m here to teach you how to give yourself the most fabulous hug in town. Forget the chocolates, forget the flowers (unless you’re into that, then go ahead). It’s all about the self-hug! Let’s get squishy!

Step 1: The Classic “Wrap and Hold”

First, let’s start with the basics. Wrap your arms around yourself. It’s not rocket science, okay? You just hug your own body like you would hug your favorite pillow – which, by the way, is probably the closest thing to a true soulmate I’ve ever had. Hold it for a good 10 seconds. Bonus points if you let out an “Awww” like you’re hugging a tiny, adorable creature. It’s okay, no one’s judging you here. Except maybe your pet, but they’ll come around.

Step 2: The Self-Hug Shuffle

Now that you’ve mastered the regular hug, it’s time to get funky with it. Do the “self-hug shuffle.” Start with the hug, and then gently rock side to side as if you’re slow dancing with… well, yourself. This move will make you feel like you’ve just won an award for the most romantic person in the room. (Spoiler: It’s YOU, Butter! You are the award.)

Step 3: The Squeeze ‘Em Tight Hug

Okay, now we’re diving deep. Give yourself a hug so tight, you feel like you might just become one with yourself. I’m talking about squeezing every little inch of that sweet, buttery body. It’s like a personal squish-fest, but in a loving, non-creepy way. Try to see if you can get to the point where you start laughing at how ridiculous it feels. If you’re not giggling, then you might need to loosen up and add a little more butter to your life.

Step 4: The “I’m So Proud of Me” Hug

This one is for all the self-love warriors out there. Wrap yourself up in the coziest blanket of affection, close your eyes, and whisper, “I’m so proud of you, Butter. You’re doing amazing!” If that doesn’t make you feel like the Beyoncé of self-care, I don’t know what will. A good self-hug can elevate your self-esteem from “meh” to “wow, I’m fabulous.”

Step 5: The Hug + Compliment Combo

Why stop at just hugging when you can also shower yourself with compliments? During your hug, give yourself the pep talk of a lifetime. You’re amazing, you’re wonderful, you’re worthy of all the love in the world! Say it all out loud – yes, even if the neighbors are listening. They need to know that you’re the total package. And that hug? That’s just a tiny fraction of the love you deserve!

Step 6: The Butter Sizzle Hug

Here’s a little extra flair for you – imagine you’re that person who walks into a room and automatically becomes the most irresistible thing alive. Now, take that attitude and apply it to your hug. Slowly slide your arms around yourself, imagine the world slowing down as you give the most sensual hug to yourself – because you’re worth it. If you start feeling like you’re a slow-motion movie scene, then you’ve done it right.

So there you have it! A six-step program to be your own Valentine, starring none other than YOU, my lovely butterball. No need to wait for someone else to hug you when you’ve got the ability to wrap yourself up in all the love you need. Let this Hug Day be the most self-indulgent, joyous occasion of all. After all, Butter doesn’t need anyone else to spread the love – I’ve got it covered, one squishy hug at a time. 😘

Happy Hug Day, everyone! Go ahead, give yourself a squeeze (or two).

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“How to Be the Boss Everyone Loves (Or at Least Doesn’t Complain About)”

February 11, 2025

journal, life

Alright, my fabulous team leaders, let’s talk.

(I am preparing for a pro speech as hospital administrator for staff meeting. spoiler! first meeting after promotion so I am scared actually)

You’ve got the title, the responsibility, and—on a good day—maybe even some respect. But let’s be honest: leadership is basically just wrangling chaos with a confident smile. One minute you’re motivating your team like a TED Talk speaker, and the next, you’re settling a full-blown argument over who took whose stapler.

Being a leader isn’t about barking orders like a stressed-out drill sergeant. It’s about communication, problem-solving, and not flipping a table every time things go sideways (which, let’s be real, happens often).

So, how do you lead like a boss without secretly Googling “jobs that require no human interaction”? Let’s break it down.

1. Speak So People Actually Listen (No Megaphone Needed)

Ever given instructions and five minutes later, someone asks, “Wait, what are we supposed to do?” Yeah. That’s the sound of bad communication.

A great leader doesn’t just talk—they make things clear. Your team isn’t made up of mind readers (if they were, life would be easier, and you’d never have to send a follow-up email again).

🔹 Bad communication: “I need this done ASAP.” (ASAP? Like now? Tomorrow? Before the next ice age?)
🔹 Good communication: “I need these reports done by 3 PM today so we can prep for the meeting. Let me know if you need help.”

Clear. Direct. No room for confusion. And most importantly, no unnecessary drama.

2. Negotiation: Because “Just Do It” Only Works in Shoe Commercials

As a leader, your day is one big negotiation.

🧹 Housekeeping wants more time to clean.
📞 Reception wants fewer night shifts.
💡 Maintenance is requesting yet another budget increase.
💉 Nurses are about to riot over a missing supply order.

You can’t just say “no” to everyone (unless you enjoy being the office villain). But you also can’t say yes to everything, because, well… budgets exist.

The trick? Find the middle ground.

✔ Listen to the concerns.
✔ Show you understand (even if internally you’re like, “I need a nap”).
✔ Offer a solution that works for both sides.

Example: If housekeeping needs more time, maybe the check-in process gets adjusted. If reception is struggling, maybe shifts get rotated fairly. It’s all about balance, people.

3. Conflict Mediation: Because “Not My Problem” is Not an Option

Let me guess—you’ve walked into a room and immediately sensed tension so thick you could cut it with a butter knife. Someone’s mad. Someone’s rolling their eyes. Someone’s avoiding eye contact like their life depends on it.

And guess what? You have to deal with it.

Yay, leadership!

💡 Butter’s Conflict Mediation Hack:
✔ Let both sides talk (without interrupting—yes, even when they’re being ridiculous).
✔ Repeat back what they’re saying (“So, you’re upset because they took the last donut and didn’t replace it?”).
✔ Find a solution, not just a way to shut them up.

Sometimes, people just want to be heard. And sometimes, they just need snacks. Never underestimate the power of snacks.

4. Understanding What Actually Motivates People

Not everyone works for the same reason. Some want career growth. Some just want their paycheck. Some genuinely enjoy what they do (weird, but good for them!).

Figure out what drives your team, and use it to your advantage.

✅ Got an employee who lives for recognition? Publicly praise their work.
✅ Someone wants to learn more? Give them extra responsibilities (the fun kind, not the “Here, do all my paperwork”kind).
✅ Someone just wants to be left alone to do their job? Respect their space.

When people feel valued, they work harder. And when they work harder, you look good. See? Win-win.

5. Change Management: Because “But We’ve Always Done It This Way” is Not a Strategy

People hate change. You could announce that you’re switching to a better system, and at least one person will still react like you just cancelled their weekend plans.

But change is inevitable, and your job is to help people roll with it instead of fight it.

✔ Explain why the change is happening (and no, “Because I said so” is not a reason).
✔ Show how it benefits them.
✔ Be patient (people need time to adjust—unless it’s free cake, then they adapt immediately).
✔ Stay calm. If you act like it’s the end of the world, your team will too.

6. Staying Calm When Everything is Falling Apart

Leadership is basically problem-solving while pretending not to panic.

The AC breaks down. The system crashes. A VIP guest arrives early. And somehow, everyone turns to you for answers.

Your job? Look like you know what you’re doing, even if you don’t.

Step 1: Take a deep breath.
Step 2: Assess the situation (without immediately blaming Mercury in retrograde).
Step 3: Make a plan, even if that plan is “We’ll fix this in 10 minutes”.

If you stay calm, your team stays calm. And if all else fails, fake confidence until the real confidence kicks in.

7. Empathy: Because No One Likes a Robot Boss

People are not machines. They have bad days, stress, and personal issues. A good leader knows when to push and when to cut people some slack.

✔ If someone is struggling, ask if they need help.
✔ If someone messes up, correct them without making them feel stupid.
✔ If someone is killing it at their job, tell them! (Praise is free—use it).

A leader who cares creates a team that cares back. And a team that cares back? That’s the dream.

8. Organization: Because “Hot Mess” is Not a Leadership Style

Listen, I love a little chaos—but not when it comes to leadership.

✔ Use a calendar (and actually look at it).
✔ Set priorities (everything cannot be urgent, Karen).
✔ Delegate (seriously, stop trying to do everything yourself).

If you’re organized and in control, people trust you. If you’re running around like a stressed-out squirrel? Well… good luck getting anyone to take you seriously.

Final Thoughts: Leadership is Hard, But So Are You

Let’s be real—being a leader means constantly juggling people, problems, and surprises. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re crushing it. Other days, you’ll want to change your name and move to a remote island.

But if you communicate well, stay calm, handle conflict with grace, and treat people like humans, you’ll be the kind of leader people actually want to follow.

And if all else fails? Bribe them with snacks. Works every time.

Now go forth and lead like the fabulous, capable, semi-sane boss you are! 🚀🔥

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The Great Life Countdown: How I Accidentally Gave Myself an Existential Crisis and Fixed It with a Planner

February 7, 2025

journal, life

So there I was, sitting on my couch, minding my own business, flipping through an old horoscope book (because obviously, the stars need to tell me what’s up with my life). And then I saw it.

“Your expected lifespan: 84 years.”

Eighty-four. Not 100, not “forever if you eat enough kale,” but a very specific 84.

Now, I could’ve shrugged it off, but instead, my brain—being the overachiever in anxiety that it is—went straight into COUNTDOWN MODE.

I grabbed my calculator (aka my phone, because let’s be real, I haven’t touched an actual calculator since high school) and started crunching numbers.

• 84 years = 733,560 hours total.

• Oh wait, I already lived some of those? Cool, cool, let’s subtract my current age.

• Omg. I’m down to x hundred thousand hours.

• Oh no, I sleep for a third of that??

• COMMUTING?? WORK?? SHOWERING??

• HOW MANY HOURS DO I ACTUALLY HAVE LEFT TO LIVE?!

And that, dear friends, is how I had a full-blown existential crisis before lunch.

The Time Audit That Changed My Life

After hyperventilating into a snack (because priorities), I realized: I need to stop wasting time. Like, right now.

I did a brutally honest time audit, and the results were horrifying. Turns out, I was spending:

• 30% of my life sleeping (acceptable, but rude).

• 25% working (tragic).

• 10% commuting and getting ready (disgusting).

• 10% doom-scrolling on my phone (highly unnecessary).

• 5% looking for snacks I already ate.

Which left me with, I don’t know, like zero time to actually live??

So I did what any normal person would do. I opened Google Calendar and went full psycho-mode on time-blocking my life.

My New, Genius “Live Every Hour” Schedule

From this moment on, I decided: No more autopilot. No more wasting time thinking about dumb stuff like “Should I reply to this email with ‘Best’ or ‘Kind Regards’?” (answer: neither, just say what you need to say and leave).

Instead, I blocked my time like my life depended on it. Because, well, IT KIND OF DOES.

1. The “Do Nothing” Block (aka “Intentional Idling”)

I used to think “free time” just meant getting sucked into an internet rabbit hole of which medieval plague fits your personality? quizzes. NOT ANYMORE.

Now, I have scheduled time to literally sit, breathe, and do nothing.

• Stare at a wall.

• Sip tea dramatically.

• Be mysterious and European about it.

(10/10 recommend.)

2. The “Creative Genius” Block (aka “Writing Time”)

No more waiting for inspiration to strike. If it’s blocked on my calendar, my butt is in the chair, typing away like I’m the next great novelist.

3. The “Hygge Social Hour” (aka Cozy Friend Time)

Listen, I LOVE people. But I was treating social time like an optional side quest instead of the main storyline.

So now? Every week, I have scheduled hygge time.

• Candle-lit cozy dinners with friends.

• Coffee dates where we rant about life.

• Gossip sessions that feel like therapy but free.

4. The “Spontaneous Adventure” Block

Once a month, I will do something reckless but fun (within reason, I still have anxiety). This can be:

• A random weekend trip.

• Trying a new hobby.

• Booking a flight on a whim (lol jk, I plan EVERYTHING but you get the vibe).

5. The “Stop Overthinking Every Tiny Thing” Rule

You know how much time I’ve wasted mentally replaying awkward conversations from 2009?? A stupid amount.

From now on, my motto is:

• If it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t waste more than 5 minutes thinking about it.

• If I say something weird, I will assume no one cares (because, spoiler alert: they don’t).

• Overthinking is just mental procrastination—and I don’t have time for that.

Final Thoughts (Before My Countdown Timer Ticks Even More Down)

Honestly? This whole “life is a countdown” thing was terrifying at first. But now, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

I don’t have time for nonsense. I don’t have time for things that drain me. And I definitely don’t have time to waste entire afternoons wondering if I should start a new show or just rewatch The Office for the 47th time (spoiler: always start something new).

Now, every hour of my life has purpose—even the ones where I’m just laying on the floor listening to sad music for the drama of it. Because that, too, is living.

So, my dear reader, here’s my advice: Set your countdown. Freak out a little. And then live accordingly.

Because time is ticking, and you’ve got a whole lot of life to squeeze in.

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Februvary somethingth 2025..

February 6, 2025

journal, life

Dear friend,

Today, I considered quitting my job, changing my name, and starting a new life as a mysterious woman who runs a tiny bookstore by the sea. You know, the usual midweek meltdown.

The thing is, I want something new—something better. But right now, I’m stuck in the negativity swamp of my workplace, and it’s making me forget who I am. Like, did I actually used to be confident? Ambitious? Not completely exhausted by 2 PM? Hard to say.

So, how do I get myself back? How do I trust myself again? How do I stop letting Susan’s terrible microwave choices ruin my entire mood? (Seriously, fish? In an office?)

Step 1: Progress Isn’t a Movie Montage

Would I love a dramatic “glow-up” moment where I magically transform into my best self overnight? Yes. Is that how real life works? Absolutely not.

Progress isn’t just the big, exciting things—it’s the little, unglamorous stuff. Like:

• Getting through a bad day without quitting on impulse.

• Starting to dream again, even if it still feels scary.

• Not crying in the bathroom today. (Small wins count!)

Step 2: Confidence Comes from Receipts, Not Vibes

I don’t feel confident right now, but I also once thought I’d never survive my last job, yet here I am. I’ve done hard things before. I can do them again.

So instead of waiting to feel like some unstoppable boss, I’ll just remind myself of the times I thought I couldn’t do something—but did it anyway. Confidence follows courage, not the other way around.

Step 3: My Workplace is a Bad Reality Show, and I Am Not a Contestant

This place is draining me, but that’s their problem, not mine. My future is bigger than this office, and I refuse to let other people’s bad energy make me forget that.

Also, if someone could replace our management with golden retrievers in tiny suits, I think workplace morale would improve significantly.

Step 4: Trust Myself and Just Take the Leap

What if I take this new opportunity and fail? Well, what if I stay here and regret it forever?

I’ll never feel 100% ready—so I just have to do it anyway.

Step 5: Find Butter Again

I need to remember who I actually am, outside of work stress and self-doubt. So tonight, I’m going to:

• Dance around my apartment like an unhinged Muppet.

• Rewatch something dumb that makes me laugh until I snort.

• Call a friend who reminds me I’m not as lost as I feel.

That’s the plan. If future me is reading this and still overthinking, please go outside, take a deep breath, and remember: You’ve survived worse. You’ll survive this too.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll be running that little bookstore by the sea someday. But first—one brave step at a time.

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How to Find Your People (Because Feeling Like a Lone Alien at Work Is Exhausting)

February 3, 2025

friendship, journal, life

Okay, confession time: I’ve been feeling like an outsider at work lately. You know that feeling when you walk into a room, and everyone already seems to have their people—inside jokes, shared lunches, synchronized coffee runs—while you’re just standing there, clutching your sad little sandwich, pretending you love eating alone? Yep, that’s me.

And look, I’m an independent, fully functional adult (most days). I can do my job, send my emails, and even laugh politely at the boss’s aggressively unfunny jokes. But deep down, I know something’s missing. It’s not just about having coworkers; it’s about having your people—those magical beings who make you feel seen, supported, and like you belong.

So, how do you find them? Well, grab your metaphorical flashlight, fellow explorer, because we’re going people-hunting.

1. Accept That You Are Not for Everyone (And That’s Okay!)

First things first—if you feel like an outsider, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s just that your brand of humor, energy, and weird snack preferences (cold pizza and peanut butter, anyone?) may not immediately match those around you. And that’s FINE. The goal isn’t to force yourself into friendships that feel like ill-fitting jeans. The goal is to find your people, the ones who get your weirdness and match your energy.

2. Identify the Kindred Spirits (a.k.a. The Ones Who Laugh at the Same Dumb Things You Do)

Start observing. Is there someone who also sighs dramatically in meetings? Who gives you the same I-can’t-believe-we’re-doing-this look when tasks get ridiculous? Who also hides in the break room for a little silent screaming time? These are signs of potential friendship. Seek them out. Maybe they, too, are wandering the workplace desert looking for an oasis of human connection.

3. Take Tiny Social Risks (Without Overthinking Every Move Like a Maniac)

Friendships don’t happen magically. You have to put yourself out there. This could be as simple as:

• Casually joining a conversation (without feeling like an uninvited ghost).

• Dropping a lighthearted comment in a group chat.

• Suggesting a coffee run or grabbing lunch together.

• Complimenting their desktop background and seeing if it leads to an actual conversation (if they have a cat picture, boom, instant bonding opportunity).

If it works out? Great! If not? At least you tried, and now you know where not to invest your precious social energy.

4. Find Common Ground (Because Trauma-Bonding Over Work Struggles Is a Thing)

Sometimes, the best friendships are forged in the fires of shared suffering. Long meetings, impossible deadlines, ridiculous workplace policies—complaining about these together? That’s a bonding moment. So if all else fails, lean into workplace woes. Just make sure you’re not venting to the office snitch.

5. Be the Friend You’re Looking For

Maybe someone else is feeling exactly how you feel—disconnected, awkward, low-key lonely. Be the person who makes them feel welcome. Smile. Invite them to something. Crack a joke. Friendship is like planting seeds—you might not see immediate results, but over time, those little efforts grow into something solid.

Why This All Matters (And Why We Can’t Just Be Lone Wolves Forever)

Listen, life is so much better when you have people who get you. Work is easier when you can share a knowing eye-roll with a friend across the room. Stress is more bearable when you can vent to someone who understands. Even the most mundane office moments become fun when you have your people.

So if you, like me, are feeling a little lost in a sea of acquaintances, don’t give up. Your people are out there. And the beautiful thing? Once you find them, you realize you were never really alone—you just hadn’t met your team yet.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to lurk by the coffee machine and casually see if anyone wants to talk about their weekend. Wish me luck.

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Why We Need God: A Reflection on Fear, Strength, and Surrender

February 2, 2025

journal, life

There are moments in life when we try to be strong—strong for ourselves, strong for others, strong because the world expects us to be. We put on a brave face, push through the chaos, and pretend we have it all together. But deep down, there are days when we feel like we’re losing grip, like the weight of it all is just too much.

I found myself in that space recently. You know, that place where you’re scared, exhausted, and wondering how much more you can handle. The kind of fear that doesn’t just sit in your mind but wraps itself around your bones, making them feel heavy. I tried all the usual things—logic, distraction, pep talks in the mirror. But nothing quite settled the storm brewing inside me.

So, I did something I hadn’t done in a long time. I went to a temple.

Now, I don’t know what your relationship with faith looks like. Maybe you pray every day. Maybe you only call on God when your WiFi goes out during an important meeting. Or maybe you don’t believe in anything at all, and that’s okay too. But here’s what I realized as I sat in the quiet stillness of that temple: we all need something greater than ourselves to lean on.

The Limits of Human Strength

There’s a reason why, when we’re overwhelmed, our instincts lead us to look beyond ourselves. We say things like, “I hope things get better.” But hope is, in itself, a prayer. Even those who don’t believe in God often look to the universe, fate, or some unseen force to guide them. Because deep down, we know we’re not built to carry everything alone.

Think about the hardest moment in your life. Maybe it was losing someone you loved, a betrayal that broke you, or a dream that slipped through your fingers despite your best efforts. Did sheer willpower carry you through? Probably not. What did? Maybe it was faith. Maybe it was the belief that something greater was at play, that this pain had a purpose, that you were being led somewhere—even if you couldn’t see it yet.

God as a Source of Comfort

When I sat in that temple, I didn’t expect answers. I didn’t expect some booming voice from the heavens to tell me what to do next. But what I did find was peace. A stillness that reminded me I wasn’t alone.

And I think that’s why we need God—not just in moments of crisis, but in everyday life. Because no matter how strong, smart, or successful we are, we all crave that sense of being held. We need to know that when we reach the end of ourselves, there is still something left—a force that carries us when we can’t carry ourselves.

Examples of Faith in Action

You see it everywhere:

• A mother who has lost her child but still gets up every morning, believing she will see them again one day.

• A person battling an illness who, despite everything, chooses to believe in healing.

• Someone who has been hurt but still dares to love again, trusting that pain isn’t the end of their story.

Faith isn’t about never feeling lost or afraid. It’s about having a place to take those fears—a way to surrender what we cannot control.

Surrender Isn’t Weakness

There’s a misconception that faith is for the weak. That asking for help—whether from God or from people—is a sign of failure. But let me tell you something: real strength is knowing when to surrender.

If you’re carrying something too heavy right now, I hope you know it’s okay to set it down. It’s okay to whisper a prayer, even if you’re not sure who’s listening. It’s okay to admit that you can’t do it all alone. None of us can. And that’s exactly why we need God.

Because when we finally let go, we realize something beautiful—we were never meant to hold it all in the first place.

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