Dear Friend,

A few weeks ago, I caught up with an old school friend I hadn’t spoken to in years. We reminisced about the past, shared a few laughs, and then, as these conversations often do, it turned personal.

She confessed, “I’m not happy, Butter. My son keeps getting complaints from school—discipline, poor performance. And my husband? He barely helps with parenting. Sometimes I just wish I had a life like yours. You’re free to move anywhere in the world, chase your dreams, and do whatever you want.”

I was stunned for a moment. Was she really envying my life? The irony wasn’t lost on me. I’ve always dreamed of having what she has—a family, a child to nurture, a home bustling with laughter and love.

Her words stayed with me, pulling me into a memory from years ago. I remembered my college professors one day talking about their car drivers. The professors were frustrated with their workload—endless patients, demanding students, endless responsibilities. Meanwhile, the drivers were outside, sitting under the shade of a tree, laughing, sharing meals, and enjoying life in a way that seemed so effortless.

It struck me then, and it strikes me now: We’re all too quick to compare, to crave someone else’s “perfect” life. Social media magnifies this, bombarding us with Instagram-worthy moments, filtered snapshots of joy, and polished versions of success. But what we don’t see are the struggles behind those pictures. The sleepless nights. The quiet frustrations. The compromises and sacrifices.

This conversation opened my eyes to just how often we get caught up in craving what others have, without fully seeing the hidden struggles in their lives. And it’s not just her or me—it’s everywhere.

I know a couple who are heartbroken because their son chose not to move to the US for a “better future,” unlike their neighbors’ son. They feel like they’ve failed somehow. But their neighbors, who they envy, look at them with longing eyes. They would give anything to have a son at home to help carry groceries, sit with them during dinners, and look after them in their old age. “At least your son is here,” they sigh. Both families are living with silent envy, each convinced the other has it better, each missing the hidden blessings in their own lives.

Then there’s the story of two young women, One, a dark-skinned girl, spends hours scrolling through Instagram, envying fair-skinned influencers. She’s tried countless products, hoping to lighten her complexion, convinced that beauty—and happiness—means looking like them On the other side, there’s a fair-skinned girl who dreads going out. The constant attention from strangers, fake compliments, and being treated like a prize to be won have left her exhausted. “No one really sees me for who I am,” she confided once. “I don’t have real friends, just people who want something from me.” What’s tragic is that both girls live with insecurities rooted in what they lack, failing to recognize the beauty in their unique selves.

A young woman in her 30s envies her retired parents: “They’re so lucky—no work stress, no deadlines. I wish I could live like that.”
Meanwhile, her parents sit at home, scrolling through pictures of her travels, her busy career, and her social life. “She’s so lucky,” they sigh. “We’d give anything to be young and full of possibilities again.”

A man living in a bustling city dreams of a quiet life in the countryside, away from the chaos. “I envy villagers—they live in peace, surrounded by nature.” But the farmer in that village watches city movies, longing for a life with malls, nightlife, and big opportunities. “If only I could escape this endless toil,” he thinks.

A working mom envies her friend who stays at home. “She gets to spend so much time with her kids,” she thinks. But the stay-at-home mom envies her working friend’s career. “She has an identity, financial independence, and adult conversations. I feel like I’ve lost myself,” she thinks

Why We Crave Other Lives:

This constant comparison is a thief of joy. We see only the highlights of others’ lives, not the full story. We forget that every life comes with its unique challenges.

My friend envies my freedom, but she doesn’t see the loneliness that sometimes comes with it. I envy her family life, but perhaps she doesn’t realize the deep strength she holds together, balancing parenting and marriage.

We forget to appreciate the small, quiet blessings in our own lives. And in that forgetting, we rob ourselves of contentment.

The Practice of Gratitude

One antidote to this cycle is gratitude. It’s not a buzzword or a fleeting trend—it’s a powerful practice that shifts your perspective.Here’s how you can begin:

Start a Gratitude Journal
Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. They don’t have to be big—sometimes, it’s the first sip of morning coffee or the smile of a stranger that can remind you of life’s small joys.
Celebrate Your Strengths
Instead of focusing on what you lack, think about what you bring to the table. Are you a good listener? A hard worker? Do you bring laughter to those around you? Own your unique gifts.
Stop Scrolling
Social media is a highlight reel, not real life. Take regular breaks to remind yourself of the beauty in your own unfiltered moments.
Find Joy in the Present: Sometimes, we’re so busy wanting something else that we miss what’s right in front of us. Take time to notice the laughter of your children, the kindness of a partner, or even the stillness of a quiet evening.
The Power of Perspective:The next time you find yourself wishing for someone else’s life, pause. Ask yourself: What is it about their life that I’m craving? What might they be struggling with that I don’t see?

And more importantly: What in my life am I taking for granted?Nurture Your Own Garden
What can you do to enrich your own life? Whether it’s learning a new skill, deepening relationships, or just slowing down to enjoy the present, focus on growth instead of comparison.
Seek Meaning, Not Perfection
A meaningful life isn’t Instagram-worthy 24/7. It’s filled with messy moments, quiet joys, and personal victories. Aim for fulfillment, not approval.
A Reminder to Us All
We all crave something we don’t have. It’s human. But before we let that craving take over, let’s pause and remind ourselves of this truth: The grass isn’t greener on the other side—it’s green where you water it.

Your life, with all its imperfections, is uniquely yours. Embrace it. Appreciate it. And most importantly, live it.

Happiness isn’t about having a picture-perfect life. It’s about finding meaning and joy in the life you have. So, let’s stop chasing the mirage of perfection and start watering the grass beneath our own feet.

With love and reflection,
Butter