Hey friend,

It’s me—Butter. And today, I’m writing this not from a place of wisdom or witticisms, but from the bottom of a very tired heart. The kind of tired that isn’t about sleep, you know? The kind that sits in your chest like a stone, heavy and cold. The kind that makes your favorite songs sound off-key and your coffee taste like cardboard. Yep. That kind.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like a ghost version of myself. New job, new city, new everything—but the same old me, just trying to stay afloat. And it’s weird, because on paper, everything looks okay. I’m “settled.” I’m “functioning.” I’m “doing well.” But inside? Butter’s lost her damn smile.

I don’t have my people here. No one to hug me at the end of a long day. No inside jokes, no warm silences, no shared history. Just polite small talk and the humming loneliness of an unfamiliar apartment. And work? Oh, friend… Let’s just say the office vibes are more Game of Thrones than The Office. Every day I put on my best “I’m fine” face while my soul secretly screams into a pillow.

I’ve been doubting myself. My worth. My place in this world. Like, am I really good enough to be here? Or am I just pretending? Faking it so well even I’m starting to believe the illusion?

But here’s the thing: even in the middle of this fog, some tiny voice inside me—super annoying, a bit squeaky—whispers, “Butter, you’ve been here before. Not this place exactly, but this feeling. And you survived it. Remember?”

And it’s right. I have been here before. We all have. And we made it through, dragging our tired hearts and puffy eyes across the finish line. We made it by clinging to crumbs of hope and stringing them together like fairy lights to guide us forward.

So here’s what I’m reminding myself (and maybe you need to hear it too):

1. Feeling Lost Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing

Being lost is sometimes just the process of finding your new direction. You’re not broken—you’re becoming. This ache? This doubt? It’s part of growth. Ugh, yes, I know. Growth sucks. But also, it’s the only way we stretch into the people we’re meant to be.

2. You Are Still You

Even when you feel invisible, when no one sees your efforts or claps for your quiet victories—you are still valuable. Still kind. Still brilliant. You are not less just because you feel less.

3. You Don’t Have to Be Brave All the Time

Sometimes courage looks like crying in the shower and still showing up the next morning. Sometimes it looks like texting someone, “Hey, I’m not okay.” Or eating cereal for dinner because that’s all you could manage. That counts. It all counts.

4. You Belong, Even When It Feels Like You Don’t

Imposter syndrome is a filthy liar. You deserve to take up space, even if your voice shakes. You deserve to learn, to grow, to be heard. And one day—maybe not today—you’ll believe that with your whole chest.

5. Keep a Tiny Spark Lit

Even when your smile goes missing. Even when everything feels dull. Protect that little flame inside you. It’s okay if it’s small. It’s okay if it flickers. Just don’t let the world snuff it out. Fan it with books, walks, music, hugs (even virtual ones), sunsets, whatever keeps you tethered to the truth: you are not done yet.

So yeah, Butter’s a bit of a mess right now. But you know what? I’ve decided to keep going. Not because I’m fearless, but because I’ve come too damn far to give up now. And you, dear friend reading this—you’ve come too far too.

We’re allowed to crumble sometimes. But we’re also allowed to rise again, mascara-streaked and slightly feral, but still rising.

With love and a shaky heart,

Butter